It's Not You, It's Me

Wednesday, May 25, 2011
I'm almost 2 weeks post-op.  I guess it's time to face the world again.  I've been hiding from everyone but my family.  Not sending emails, not conversing on Skype, not signing into the places on the net that I socialize.  Well that's not totally true, I pop in during the wee hours of the morning to see what's happening and hope no one else is around yet.

As I said before, I'm an introverted extrovert.  I don't want to be a bother to people so I am withdrawn and quiet until I can feel the love.  I adore being in places where everyone knows your name.  I would have so been a regular at Cheers.  (If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google it.  It was a TV show)  I try to be friendly, warm and witty.  I don't mind chatting with people for hours...most of the time.

I've (my alter ego) been singing publicly for 3 years this month.  It makes me happy that people like my music.  I've met so many new friends since I've been doing this.  I am still surprised when I meet someone who recognizes me and gushes about the last show they attended.  I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that it makes me feel good to hear them say things like that.

I love being pampered and cared for.  I adore being the center of attention, but only when it is my kids and The Greek doing the pampering.

I hate being sick, for obvious reasons, but mostly because I don't like other people fussing over me.  When I'm sick, I tend to avoid people for a few weeks hoping that by that time we reconnect, they will have forgotten I was sick.  It's not so much the "I hope you're feeling better", if it ends there.  It's the hoverers (is that a word?) that I want to run from.  "How are you?  Are the stitches out?  You still taking pain meds?  Eating?  Drinking enough liquids?  Pooping ok?"  WTH?

Same thing goes for occasions, like birthdays.  My family and The Greek better not forget, but I don't want anyone else outside them and my 3 closest friends to know.  I don't want them doing anything, don't want to be the center of a celebration.  Do NOT throw me a surprise party.  This past birthday, I lucked out.  My kids came in for spring break and arrived ON my birthday.  I told them they were my special birthday present and they had been repeatedly coached by the Ex (he never remembered when we were married)  to say Happy Birthday to me when they arrived.  It also allowed me to skip our usual Saturday night haunts that night, so no surprises!

This is a fairly recent thing for me.  It's only been an issue the last 2 years or so.  Maybe it's a way to separate my public and private lives.  When and if I ever get my first CD done, you'd better believe that I'm celebrating.  Party will be on ME  and everyone is invited!  However, when I've been sick, let me be sick, let me get well and let me move on to business as usual.

If I can't see you, you can't see me!

One can't hide forever.  I have shows confirmed for Saturday night and Sunday afternoon/evening and people are already looking forward to them.  So it's time to pull my head out of the sand and get back out there.  I'll just hope they forget why I was gone and just be happy that I'm back.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?  Or do you like to bask in the short term attention?

No comments:

Post a Comment