Are You Man Enough? To Keep Reading?

Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Sometimes it sucks to be a woman.  If any of you men are visiting, I welcome you.  If you are squeamish about "woman trouble", then come back another day okay?  If you still don't understand, I'll just come out and tell you that I'm talking about my...


I TOLD you it was that time of the month!

My cycles were never regular for most of my life.  Sometimes non existent for months then my "friend" (why do we call it that and how do I un-friend it?)  would last 6 months.  It wasn't until after my last son was born that I got regular.

By regular I mean that it showed up at roughly the same time each month.  It was anything but normal and it got much worse when I moved to Wisconsin a couple of years ago.  Finally I get some medical insurance and go for a physical to renew my regular meds and of course they do blood work.  I get the dreaded call 2 days later.  Your hematocrit (the volume of red blood cells) is low it's 22 and normal is about 42 and we need to find out why.  Why?  I can tell you why.  I go through a small storage unit of feminine hygiene products for 2 weeks every month!  I'm talking $40-$50 worth, every month.

Since then, we've done all the tests...normal.  We've tried everything...pills, IUD, even uterine ablation.  We thought the ablation worked and it was bliss for 10 months then it started again.  So on Friday, I go in for the final cut, so to speak.  A robot is going to perform a total hysterectomy.  In a way it's kind of neat, the doctor sits across the room at some big console and a robot literally does the work through 3 or 4 little incisions.  I hear you spend the whole procedure nearly standing on your head but hey, I'll be in lala land.  It will probably be the best sleep I've gotten in years.  

I didn't touch her!

I even get a bonus!  Since they are going in anyway, they are going to put in a nice little sling.  A hammock for my bladder.  This is supposed to make it so happy that next time I have a coughing or sneezing fit, I won't have to hose down my office chair afterwards.

Funny thing is, I talked to my mother the day after Mother's Day.  She's having the same procedure done on Monday.  The sling one.  So I look down between my legs, well I try to, and say, "Self, yeah you down there!  You are getting this more than 20 years early.  This had better make you happy and I'd better not hearing any more grumbling from you.  Unless it's something The Greek can fix!"

Like this!  This isn't me although I do this song in my shows as part of my "Naughty" set!

There is an upside to being female...we get to drive the men crazy!

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