I am an introverted extrovert. I seldom am the first to say hello to a stranger but once you get me talking. I can talk your ear off. This proved to be a good thing when I sold cars. On weekends our finance office would be backed up, making for very long waits to sign paperwork to buy a car. I could keep people talking for hours. This was a trait all the other salesmen envied as none of my customers walked out even though they had to wait as long as 4 hours.
I weigh my words very carefully, watching for places I could be misinterpreted or offend someone. It is hard for me to ask for help sometimes because I do not want to be a bother to people. I'll gladly do it if it benefits someone else. My alter ego often does benefit shows and I can squeeze donations out of people like you wouldn't believe because it's for a charity.
Even now, being fairly anonymous, I think about what I write..."just in case". The only person that knows about this blog that I know personally is my daughter. I haven't shared it with any of my family or my friends. Still, I think of their feelings.
An old friend used to refer to all this as my "Japanese Blood". The tendency to not make waves and avoid conflict. It's been ingrained in me from childhood. At times, it can be a good thing but other times, it's like walking on eggshells.
I'm trying to shed the need to be proper all the time. My alter ego accomplishes it a lot better than I do, to some extent. This is all part of the old me. The "before the divorce" me. To do what was expected and not what I wanted to do.
Ok, I do sometimes whisper dirty things in The Greek's ear but that's for him only. I love the banter between men and women. The teasing and sexual innuendos, but only if they "get it". It's no fun if you have to keep explaining yourself.
I've gotten off topic now. I want to blog with the big girls, so to speak. People like Lady Estrogen at Adventures in Estrogen, Sandra at Absolutely Narcissism or Lydia and Kate at Rants from Mommyland keep me reading for hours. (There are so many more) I'd love to be able to take off the gloves sometimes and just say what I feel.
I rarely even swear. Sh*t is about the only regular word I use. This was pointed out to me when Horse was not quite 2 years old.
We were in the kitchen and I made a glass of ice water and reached back to put it down on the island behind me. I missed and dropped it on the floor. As I spun around I heard Horse say, "Sh*t mommy. Right? Sh*t!" I was so glad other people weren't around to hear that. My sister and her husband would have laughed their butts off. Him, outloud, while she snickered behind her hand. The rest of the family would have been mortified. My ex's family, who always hated me anyway, would have started making plans to remove the boys from my home.
As I get more comfortable posting, I'm hoping that I can loosen up some. A good rant can be good for the soul. I may just have found the first crack to slip through.
Today The Greek announced that he wants to start a "ranting" blog. So I said he can rant all he wants about me but it means I get to rant about him too.
The gauntlet is thrown down. Let the fun begin.