I have something to confess. I have no friends. At least not in the "normal" sense of the word.
In the 90's, The Ex and I lived in Colorado. I worked. He worked. We had friends that we'd spend holidays with...celebrate birthdays with...have dinner with. In the late 90's, I became a stay at home mom but we still had our old friends nearby. Then Rabbit was born and we decided to move to California to be closer to family.
I continued to be a SAHM so didn't have any co-workers. The next logical place to turn would be to other moms. It wasn't as easy as it looked.
The current trend is for women to have their babies later in life. I guess for most people this means older than 30. I was 40 when I had my older son and 43 when I gave birth to my youngest.
Standing outside my son's preschool class, all the other mothers would get together and chat about their weekend. Mostly this consisted of what club they went to and and what they wore and how much they drank while they were there.
Club? I don't think I had been clubbing in almost 15 years. I certainly couldn't keep up a conversation on mascara, mini skirts or Uggs. BTW, am I the only ones who think that they are...well...Ugg? Also, with very young children, who has the time or energy to stay up late enough to make it to a club?
The kids were literally 100% of my life. I seldom left home without them and when I did, I always felt it necessary to rush home as soon as possible to avert disaster.
When The Ex was on a high, he would work long hours and go to martial arts practice many nights. When he was on a low, he'd come home and grab a handful of dry cereal and go to bed. This would go on for months sometimes. There was no time for me. The only friends I had were my sister and her family. There was never any time for myself.
Today, I do have friends, just none who live in the same place that I do. No one to grab a quick cup of coffee with. All my friends are online. Well, except The Greek, but he started out as one of my online friends too. I've spoken briefly about the 3 other men who make up my closest circle. There are many many others who I am very fond of. Some, I've only ever chatted with online. Others I've exchanged emails, Skyped and even talked on the phone with. They are located all over the world. No matter what time of the day or night it is, I can usually find someone to talk to if I need to bend someone's ear.
I know a few people here in Wisconsin. Most are members of the music community and they let me sing a song or two with them when we go out to hear them play. While they are good people, they are not people I feel comfortable about sharing my problems with. I guess they are more acquaintances than friends.
To tell you the truth, I don't really miss not having friends close by. In some ways it's convenient. I don't have to be social if I don't want to. I don't have to put makeup on or even get dressed when I do want to talk to people. There is no scrambling to dust or clean toilets when one of my friends needs to talk. It will be easier to pick up and move when the time comes. My regular friends will be no further away than before and a handful will actually be physically closer.
Sometimes it's harder for us much older moms to connect. I feel much older than than the mother's of my son's friends. One the other hand, most women my age don't have children this young. Most of them are empty nesters and/or grandparents now, with different problems.
On the upside, with young children, you can't sit around very long feeling sorry for yourself. My boys do keep me young. Who else could I convince that I'm only 21, especially when my daughter is 28?
I check out parenting sites as well as senior sites. Recently I found a site that lists all the discounts you can get if you are a senior citizen. I noticed that I get a discount at Maggie Moo's (an ice cream place) because I'm over 50. I told Rabbit, "When we move to Arizona, we get a discount at Maggie Moo's because I'm old!"
I thought he'd be happy. It means he MIGHT get to eat there more often. I didn't expect his response.
"No-o-o-o-o!!!! You're not old! I don't want you to be old!"
"Don't I look old?"
"No! You aren't old!"
And with that...he walked out of the room. End of Discussion. Did I tell you I love my kids?