Out of the Mouths of Babes II

Kids say the most awesome things.  Sometimes it's just funny.  Other times we wish we had the courage to say what was on our minds.  Occasionally they call us out on something too.  Here's some recent and not so recent words out of the mouths of my babes.

Telling The Whole Truth And Nothing But...

When my daughter was young she was a little on the chunky side.  One day at preschool a little boy asked her why she was so chubby.  Her answer.

 “If YOUR mommy cooked as good as MY mommy then you wouldn’t be so skinny!”  

Go Di!

McD's Light

Everytime we go to McDonald’s Horse says he wants dessert.  Our last trip he firmly told me that he had decided to have a Rolo McFluffie!  Rabbit laughed his head off and made a recording on his phone so he would remember McFluffies.  I don’t know, I think maybe McFluffies wouldn’t have as many calories as McFlurries.

Girl Power!

Another time at preschool my daughter and her friends had been talking about their parent's jobs.  I asked my daughter what she told them I did.  She smiled and proudly stated, “I said you were a Doctor!” 

I said, but I’m not a doctor (I was a medical assistant), Dr. Oh is the doctor.” 

Her eyes opened wide then she whispered, “He can’t be a doctor.  He’s a boy!”

Helping The Greek

One day we were eating lunch and The Greek had loaded all the stray silverware into the dishwasher before we were done eating.  He does this on a regular basis and it drives me batty.   I had to take out new ones for the mayo and mustard so the boys could make their second sandwiches.  

Rabbit was calmly spreading mayo on his bread when he asked me, “Mama, are you going to berate The Greek again?”  

That stopped me in my tracks.  “Berate?  Do I ever berate him?  And how do you even know that word?”  

Rabbit giggled and said, “Yup, you do!  And Mama!  I read!”.  

I thought a moment, chewed my sandwich.  Then I told him.  I don’t berate The Greek, I just let him know how he can make me happy!”  

Rabbit laughed and declared that a good answer.  He still asks me all the time if I need to berate The Greek for this offense or that.  I don’t think he has anything against my partner, he just likes to hear himself say that word…berate.

If you don't want to be BERATED, follow the list!

What has come out of your child's mouth that made you laugh or think?

Permission To Hit Your Brother...Granted

In my post yesterday, I talked about going to the Ren Faire.  Besides eating and shopping, this is what my kids like best about the faire.



 There is that non-aggressive thing going on again.  I told them that next time I would make sure they were good and mad at each other before they got in the ring.

But hey!  Where else do I get to yell at them to "Whack your brother on the head!  Harder!"

DON'T...Say...it...

It's a relatively peaceful day but suddenly you hear something that lets you know that things aren't going to be peaceful much longer.  You'll probably have a child to soothe, a mess to clean up or it means having to spend more money.

We've had a few these last few days.

"Don't worry, I'm OK!" - My reply to this is usually, 'Why would you NOT be OK?"  I never learn, I know.  The answer is typically something like this..."I was just doing a triple spinning roundhouse kick in the living room and 'somehow' Horse's face hit my foot.  But I'M okay!"

"I didn't do ANYTHING!" - Which really says, "I did something stupid but I honestly didn't think it would...break... hurt...result in mass destruction."  Today's statement applied to Horse's glasses.  Which were on his face at the grocery store.  Darn, now I need to get him a new pair.  $$!

"It wasn't MY fault!" -  "How would I know that closing the drawer on my brother's finger because he wanted to use MY chapstick would make him scream like a banshee for an hour?"

"Uhhh, Momma?" - This one can catch you off guard.  Especially if you are busy actually doing some work.  The aftermath goes like this..."You know the thing you TOLD me to do, that I said I did, but I guess I didn't do?  Well now it....(take your pick)"  I have to stop working to take care of the mess and then I forget what I was doing and only figure it out hours later when I find it still undone.

*Crash, crunch!* - This one doesn't even require words.  It rarely means anything good like "That ugly vase that Auntie gave you finally died."  Nooooo, the latest incident resulted in  this...

That is the corner of Rabbit's laptop, where the power button is/was located. More $$!

It's not limited to the kids.  The Ex used to tell me "It's ok I jury-rigged it!"  Which translated to I couldn't fix it (or I messed it up), so I had to add extra parts and lots of duct tape and it will most likely fail us when we need it most, but I got it working...kinda.

What words or sounds make you want to hide under a pillow and not come out the rest of the day?

Back In Time for A Dragon Dinner

If you've been reading my blog for awhile, I think I mentioned that The Ex had sent the boys 10 days early for summer vacation.  This was 9 days BEFORE school got out for the year.

In that last week before they were scheduled to come, they were supposed to go to Disneyland and Medieval Times with my sister.  Rabbit was also "graduating" from elementary school as he'll be a 6th grader next year.  He had to miss his graduation ceremony.

Disney I can't do anything about but I did promise him that we'd do something special for his graduation.  I found out last week that there is a Medieval Times about an hour from here in northern Chicago!  They were also having a special for this weekend.  Tickets for every one were $29.95 each.  For the four of us, this saved me $72!

In case you've never heard of Medieval Times, they hold dinner shows complete with knights and fighting and horses and jousting.  Everything that my kids love.  They are both fantasy buffs and fancy themselves great warriors.

I had an early show yesterday but as soon as it was done we ran for the car.  Google maps said it was an hour and 19 min drive.  We had an hour and 30 min before show time!  By pushing the speed limit just a bit, The Greek made it in just over an hour.  We arrived in time to use the bathroom and get in line to be seated.

This turned out to be a good thing.  When you arrive, you are given cards with your assigned color and table number.  The color tells you what knight you will be rooting for during the show.  They place paper crowns on your head that match your assigned color and set you loose in the lobby.  Doors to the castle open 90 min before show time and they encourage you to arrive at least an hour early.

The lobby is filled with shops.  You can purchase weapons, banners, glow in the dark wands, swords and flowers, costumes and various trinkets.  There is also a bar where you can start your partying.   As we paced I had a glance at the menu.  They wanted $14 each for a slushie and $11 for a soda!  This was for the kids, it didn't even contain any alcohol!  Granted, it came in a cool glass but not nearly worth all that.  If we had arrived earlier I would have felt bad and probably bought a couple of them to keep the kids busy.  Yay for being late!  Sometimes the early bird pays out the nose for that worm!

They tell you to arrive early to get the best seating but we got table one in the yellow section.  This was the first table next to the arena floor, but there are really no bad seats.  The seating is like old movie theater seats with counter like tables in front of them.  

When everyone is seated, they start serving dinner.  First course was Dragon Tail Soup (tomato bisque).  It was served in a handled bowl because guess what?  You get NO utensils!  No spoons, no forks, no knives! The kids loved that!

Rabbit's Flat Stanley checking out the Dragon Tail soup  and garlic bread

Horse's Flat Stanley with our crowns.  Yeah I know we're party poopers and took them off.

This was followed by garlic bread and a half a baked potato.  The main course was a rib and baby dragon (half a baked chicken).  The food was actually quite good and there was a lot of it.

Yeah pretty fuzzy picture.  There wasn't enough room for me to back far enough away to focus properly.

While we were eating, the show started.  The place is dark and every one is moving so most of my pictures are a little blurry.  Here are a couple of the best ones.

Getting ready for the jousting!  HUZZAH!

Our Yellow Knight!  He won!  Until the Evil  Green Night Cheated!  Booooo!!!!!

Near the end of the show, dessert was served.  For our visit, it was an apple turnover and coffee, for those that wanted it.  It was also very good.  Horse said that was the favorite part of his meal.

We all had a great time!  Even The Greek enjoyed himself and he loved the baby dragon!  We had to dash home after for me to make my second show.  Momma needed to make some money to cover that outing!  It was well worth it and Horse was happy.  In the end, that's what counts!

The Short And The Long Of It

*This is the post I WAS going to post on Thursday before our power and internet outage*

My boys have thick black hair.  No matter how long it is it stands on end so we keep it really short. I love the comic strip, "A Rose is a Rose".  Pasquale's hair looks just like my kids.  He could be their baby brother.  Doesn't hurt that Jimbo likes his women on the fluffy side.  I'm just saying, you know.

Anyway, my kids have been looking like dandelions the last couple of days so I knew it was time to pull out the clippers.  I was surprised I only had half the complaining this time.  Rabbit was anxious for a haircut, go figure.

(As an aside, while I'm writing this, the boys are blogging about their haircuts too.  They keep interrupting me to ask questions.  I then forget what I was going to say and have to start all over again.  It has taken me 15 min to write what I have so far.)

First some "before" pictures.

Horse Before

Rabbit Before

The kids strip down to underwear and I put them in the tub.  It helps to keep all the hair in one place, making it easier to clean up.

When they were young they would ask me to give them Pokemon ears.  Sometimes I still do and threaten to leave them like that.  I don't know what I'd do if one of them said yes.  Rabbit never would, Horse just might take me up on my offer one day.

When I'm done, they look neater and their hair feels like velvet.  Everyone loves to rub their heads.  Friends, teachers, family, even complete strangers have asked if they can touch their hair.  I give them noogies all the time but really it's just an excuse to rub their heads myself.

Horse After

Rabbit After

They run into the shower and get all the loose hair off.  Meanwhile, I gather up the hair in the tub and dump it into the trash. A quick vacuuming finishes the cleaning.  This method works any time of the year and the kids don't track it all over the house.

I, on the other hand, have let my hair grow out the last 4 years.  It was shoulder length back in June 2007.  I trimmed off about 4 inches last summer and haven't touched it since then.  This is the longest it's been in about 25 years.

It touches the chair seat when I'm sitting

It is easier and cheaper to upkeep this way.  Now I can spend my money on a pedi instead.

Sunny With A Chance Of...No...Just Sunny

It is a gorgeous day outside!  Sunny, just a slight breeze, low humidity and temp is in the low 70's.  The Greek says it is still too cold for him.  I want to tell him, "Shush your mouth!"  It's just right for me.

His grandson came over today so we had a BBQ for lunch.  We just grilled some fresh maple brats, buffalo wing brats and hamburgers on the grill.  First time The Greek has dragged it out since last fall!

He bought some salads from the deli and we had some chips and pretzels.  We even ate outside in the backyard.  The adults loved it.  The kids loved the food but complained about the sun being too bright.  Darn couch potatoes!  My boys have those transition lenses that darken in the sun so I told them too bad.

Horse is always the last one eating

Notice how food tastes so much better outside?  I had a burger with all the fixings, rare in the middle.  Yeah I know it's bad for you.  I won't let my kids eat it that way but I'll take the risk for myself.  (I love carpaccio and steak tartare too)

I'm nursing just a bit of a headache now.  Maybe the sun was too bright.  Don't tell the kids I said that and besides...I...didn't have sunglasses on!

Summer School, Mama Style!

It's summertime!  If you are a Mom, you don't have to be told that.  Chances are your kids are out too and already sitting under your feet saying, "I'm BORED"!

My father's typical response to that is, "Well poke your eye with a stick then!"  I guess we're lucky all the grandkids are too smart to listen to him.

One of my cousins and my daughter are nearly the same age and when they spent the weekends together, if they told my Aunt that they were bored, she made them go take a nap.

I've been known, on occasion to tell the boys, "Go play with your brother.  That's why I had two of you!"

Btw, have you ever noticed they are never bored when it comes time to help clean the house?

In order to expand the boys' world, and get them away from their TV and books, I've decided to teach them a few things over the summer.  So on Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays, we have class after lunch.  I never got to be the teacher I played school as a kid, this is finally my chance!

Mondays, we have drawing class. Neither one has great penmanship.  That is the only area in school that they do not excel.  I'm not too worried because everything is done on computers now days BUT I know they need to be able to write fairly legibly on a few occasions.  I figured drawing would help with that and besides, I think most of us wish we could draw something besides smiley faces.

I love Mark Kistler.


I used to watch him on PBS and learned some of the basics of drawing by following along.

  I have a couple of his books but they are packed up and in the storage unit, so I borrowed this one from the library.

They are great for teaching kids how to draw in 3D





This was Rabbit's and Horse's first drawing lesson.  They are still a little heavy handed but at least they are recognizable.  They actually did better than I expected and it will be great to see how they progress from here.

Rabbit's on this side | Horse's on this side

Wednesday is music appreciation day.  I'm sure The Greek would appreciate our music much better if we took it out of the house.

I recently purchased these...

I'm teaching the boys (and learning along with them) how to play the ukulele!  My extended family are all taking lessons and it's becoming popular worldwide.  It's an easy instrument to play.  They teach it in elementary schools in Hawaii, or used to before budget cuts.  If we ever get to the point that we can play together without causing your ears to bleed, I may post a YouTube.  Until then, reading about it is safer than listening.

My boys are great readers but hate to write.  I think the penmanship thing has something to do with it.  I made them start blogs when they were here for spring break and so Fridays will be blogging day.  They have all week to take pictures and find something to blog about.  Their first attempts were one sentence each.  After a little prodding we got up to 4, I think.  Fridays should be interesting days around here.

If they say anything especially profound...or really stupid...I'll post excerpts.

Of course, we can't neglect physical activities.  That's why we have Nerf guns!  That's a whole 'nother ball of wax.

What A Big....Head...You Have

I am no prude by any means.  I write naughty stories.  My alter ego is known for her "Naughty Song".  The Greek is on staff at a site that has some of the best erotic 3D art on the web.

I would, however, like to think that my boys will be innocent until after they graduate from college.  Fat chance, I know.

At what age do our minds end up in the toilet?  When do we start seeing the bad in what is pure and good?

Yesterday, Rabbit (11) came into my office, chuckling to himself.  He said "Horse (8) has a big head Mama!"

I was only half listening, until he said, "I'm not talking about the one on top of his neck."

That got my attention.  He couldn't mean what I was thinking.  How do I ask him yet not have to tell him what I'm thinking?

"You're talking about another head...?"

"Yeah Mama!  You know what I mean!"  He now has a glint in his eye.

Do I know what he means?  Maybe.  Yes.  NO!!!   I watch him, trying to decide what to say if he refers to THAT "head".

Horse walks in on us.  "Who's got a big head?"

Oh no!  Now the baby is going to learn about all this!  He's too young!

Rabbit confidently tells his brother, "We're talking about what a big head you have but not this one."  He rubs his brother's head.

Horse looks puzzled.  "What?"

"I'm talking about...your EGO!  Right Mama?"

Thank you!  My boys get to keep their innocence for a bit longer!  "Yes Rabbit, egos can be big things."

"Now let's go watch Disney!"

Keeping Busy

Yesterday was the boys' first full day here.  The weather was HOT!  We had a record high of 93 degrees (right now, it's only 53 degrees. It's COLD).

I dragged them out in the heat.  After all they need to get used to the heat, 93 degrees in Arizona in the summer is really nice weather!

First we stopped by the car wash.   I don't like the automated ones.  They never seem to get the car really clean.  I prefer the DIY high pressure wash places.  Plus, if I angle the spray just right, I can soak the kids and make it look like an accident.  Oops!  We also cleaned the inside, dumped trash and vacuumed and sprayed the inside with "New Car" scent.

We did a quick run to Walmart for leather cleaner, car wax and rubbing compound.  The boys bought toys, of course.  They cannot pass up a toy section as long as they have money burning a hole in their wallets.

Such hard work deserved a treat.  They wanted a COLD treat.  I wonder why?  We made a stop at Coldstone!  Rabbit chose mint ice cream with white chocolate chips and Horse had cheesecake ice cream with Heath bar.  Both got a chocolate dipped sprinkled waffle bowl.

As if that wasn't enough, The Greek's grandson came over and so he decided to run out to Big Star Diner for dinner.  I guess this place has been around for decades and is supposed to have really great burgers.

I thought the food was pretty mediocre but the kids and other adults enjoyed it, so they were all happy.

Until the storm hit!  Weather sirens going off!  Wind gusts at 100 mph.  Lightening and thunder!  It was truly spectacular.  How come kids pay attention to everything that they aren't supposed to.  Mine kept telling me.  "They said go to a place with no windows, can we go down to the basement now?"

They never say, "They said we should help around the house and keep our rooms clean!  So can we Mama?"
I guess I should be happy the storm died down before bed.

Big Changes

Sorry for not posting yesterday.  Things have been really hectic here.  My boys were supposed to come in next week Friday, the day after school let out.

I got a call late Monday.  Actually it was after 12:39 am Tuesday.  It was The Ex asking if he could send the kids before then.  Yes, yes! Send them!  If he's asking, it's usually for a scary reason.

This was one of those times.  He suffers from depression and has ADD.   He may also be bipolar.   He's suicidal.  He tried almost 4 years ago on Rabbit's 8th birthday.  He's been having those kinds of thoughts again.

 I've told him many times, if things are bad, just send the boys to me.  So he did.  I thank him for doing that.  At least I know they are safe here with me.  This may be the last time that they make that trip.

He missed their flight yesterday, but was lucky enough to get them on another flight with the different airlines later in the day.  He did the same thing last year, twice.  He's not functioning very well and hasn't been since the first suicide attempt.

So if I skip a post or two, it is because things are busy here and I'm trying to find the groove we are comfortable being in.  I'm here, around, somewhere.

Baby Roadkill

My sons, Rabbit and Horse, are 11 and 8. Kids around this age are confusing. I know what my boys like but other kids the same age can be into completely different things.

The Greek's grandson is only a year older than my oldest son. He likes hunting and BB guns. The video games he plays are the sports and racing ones. I've seen him play with nerf guns and matchbox cars.

My kids love animals. They won't touch them but love to learn about them. I think they'd be scarred for life if they ever shot one. They prefer the fantasy type video games. The things that still surprises most people is that that they love babies.

I''m not talking human babies, but stuffed animal babies. When The Ex and I had a family bed, there were more than 25 of them sleeping with us every night.

Whenever we go to somewhere memorable, like an aquarium or Disneyland, we almost always come home with a couple more to add to the collection.

These are their favorites.

Spud and Kutesy

I've been given instructions to not pack them in a box for the move.  Heaven forbid that they should travel that way.  They might suffocate or be squished.  They have to travel to our new state...in MY purse!  At least they are small and cute.

Some babies are not so small...or cute. The Ex took the kids to a rummage sale at their church and bought a whole bag of babies for them. This from the man who complained about them being in our bed and told the kids 5 years ago, "No More Babies!"  (We all just laughed at him btw.)

Last Christmas, Horse brought a new baby with him. It's a beaver, I think. He calls it "Scarf" because he likes to wear it around his neck. I call it "Roadkill".

I must be an awesome photographer because believe me, Roadkill doesn't look that cute in person. Sitting on the bed, he looks like something you find lying on the side of the highway on a long road trip.

Just before heading back to his father, Horse tells me, "Mama, I'm leaving Scarf here with you!"

"Nooooooo, not Roadkill! Ewwwwww!"

"Yes Mama, he likes you and wants to stay here with you!" He hangs him around my neck.

So, I am in charge of Roadkill. He's become a part of the family now and he's kind of starting to grow on me.

BUT...I am NOT carrying him in my purse to Arizona!